Being in a stressful situation triggers the desire to feel in control. For me, I deal with wanting control constantly. I had an eating disorder stemming from a desire to be "perfect", at least in the eyes of my parents and of me. The thing about perfection, though, is that it doesn't exist. It took me months of therapy and relapsing to realize this. And although I acknowledge that I no longer want to be "perfect" - this to be perfect is to be imperfect, I can also acknowledge that I still have days where I want to go back to my restrictive self. It's a way of coping - focusing on something objective, my body, because I'm subjectively feeling something.
So moving to a new place, a new state, starting a new program, meeting new people, living with the boyfriend, and having a tumor in my foot, are just some of my triggers. I'm constantly trying to find a balance amongst the muck that I create from over-thinking all of these changes in my life. I feel like a Grey's Anatomy episode (which, ironically, I've been watching lots of - taking anatomy has spurned a desire to be watching anatomy-related-ish things).
But, as my mother pointed out to me today and which I have been forgetting for a while: things could be worse. Of course they can be. These are all really first world problems, I get that, and I've been feeling sorry for myself. But most of these changes are temporary, and I will be acclimated eventually. Remember that - don't forget the big picture when you think you have 99 problems. I'll try if you will ;)
And, we're all crazy.
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